If I were tasked the impossible, that is, to summarise my mom in one word, I’d have to go with “authentic.” She never pretended to be someone she wasn’t or that something was easy when it was not. By simply being herself, those around her could feel safe, understood, and Seen. Such was her generosity of Spirit.
She was a force to be reckoned with and exuded an immeasurable zest for life. The fortitude with which she approached hardship is beyond compare. And yet, her inner little girl-self was ever present. That innocence seemed to navigate her life with an open-hearted curiosity, lending itself to unceasing personal growth.
Mom and I didn’t always have it easy; however, I share this only to spotlight a relationship I can, effortlessly, refer to as “nothing short of a miracle.” One that not only overcame, but over-powered. With her passing, a blessing I take is that no words were left unsaid until the final hour, as it were. During this time, there existed no urgency to express how much we love, admire, and appreciate the other. Sharing the same love language, we did, however, take every opportunity to re-affirm such. Doing so brought solace, perhaps more to me than her. I was keenly aware that I was losing my longest-running relationship to date. My Best Friend and strongest advocate. And as only a mom can be, that effusive cheerleader not necessarily grounded in reality. In essence, my Favourite Person. Yet, in those final hours, the more impressive comfort was felt in the knowledge that, our mutual love had been expressed in real-time for many years.
We always made sure that our last words were, “I love you.” I’d say, “I love you, Mama,” to which she would always reply, “I love you more.” Toward the end, even when she could barely breathe, let alone, speak words aloud, she continued to say, “I love you more.” Even if it could only be expressed by pressing her cheek firmly into mine as I kissed her goodbye – – an act of love I shall never forget, which I would soon have to accept as her curtain call.
An inspiration beyond comparison, Mama left me a priceless legacy: confidence in the human capacity for transformation, an unbreakable spirit, and a deep knowing that it is possible to do hard things.
I Love you, Mama, and I know what you’re saying back.
(Lovingly read by Mike Jacobsen on 3 July, 2025 at Mama’s funeral.)
Video soundtrack: You Are My Sunshine, ala Johnny Cash. This was her song to me since childhood.